A Letter to God.

Dear God,

I thought this through.

I was going to just drop this in my Diary, and leave this query for when it is just you and I, but then again, I felt that wasn’t enough.

Today was Thanksgiving in Church, and YWAP. I didn’t really think too much about it in Church, but now in YWAP, I realized I can’t pray. I can’t worship. I can’t.

Cordi asked us to give thanks, and Omoo.

Honest truth?

I don’t have gratitude in my heart right now.

All I have right now is pain, lots of it. My heart keeps breaking over and over again.

But I know for a fact, God is faithful and just regardless.

So here it is. Thank you, Yeshua.

So, to the reason for writing this.

I think the hardest part of my faith walk is you not answering prayers the way I want.

I am accepting of your instructions and other parts of faith, but you not answering me at all?

I mean, last Sunday was an example.

Me that even finished the rest of the Communion and was laughing because I had the assurance of answer to my prayers?

I didn’t expect Joy and Hanne to get up from that bed immediately healed, I promise.

But death?

I am learning that your ‘It is settled’ and mine aren’t the same.

It is painful.

But, oh well.

My heart is in so much pain.

I have gone through this motion with you overtime you know.

When Dee was on that hospital bed and I’d turn him on numerous occasions to check if he has come back to life because the prayers were intense and nothing.

When Chan died too.

It is painful, especially when I see people’s prayers get answered, and mine goes almost unheard.

So, here it is, again.

Thank you Yeshua.

Thank you!

It may be painful.

It may not make sense.

But like in Job 2:10 “Job asked, ‘Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?’”

For the good.

For the bad.

For the horrendous.

For the breathtakingly beautiful.

Thank you.

I for like get blueprint for this life sha, but, thanks, still.